yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
