His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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