I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
