Apparently you make a good broom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
