he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
