peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
