Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize