I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
