Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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