i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
