if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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