no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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