When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
