Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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