I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
