we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
