Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
