careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
