My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
