70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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