so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
