I bet he comes in French.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
