Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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