I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
