I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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