I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
