im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm both gender and math confused
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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