Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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