Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
