Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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