Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
