it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
