No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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