Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize