I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
