the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
