I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
