If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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