She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
