And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
how drunk are you?
Several
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
