well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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