Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
