So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
