It's Friday. Sex?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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