Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
