Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just pynch a tree in the face
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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