i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I am morally bankrupt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
