She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
