Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
