If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
