I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize