I think I am morally bankrupt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
