Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
