i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
