No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize