One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
