I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
