the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
