Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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