She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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