if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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