Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
