thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize