Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
