Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have demons in me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize