Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize