He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just threw up on my dentist
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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