what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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