I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
