I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
