it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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