Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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