I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
