He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
